Part Two: Waking up Broken where I once was Whole

It's dark. Dark, but noisy.

The feel of rain on my head disorients.

Why is my sunroof open at 5:30 in the morning?

5:30.

Oh God, please, I'm late for work! Don't let me be late...I hate being late.

I jolt, my eyes open, the rain continues to fall.

Where am I?
What has happened?
Why does my body hurt like this??

Why can't I move?

What happened?

I cry out, open and close my eyes dozens of times, hear the noises but can't connect them.

Loud machines. Bright lights. Voices unrecognizeable. Questions I cannot understand.

Where am I?
What happened?
Am I late for work?

I am crying. It is so cold, the rain drips and drips.

Fear is thick in my throat. Or is that blood?

Later, I would learn details. I entered an intersection with a green light. He entered the intersection and hit my car, broadside, hard. His truck was virtually undamaged; my beloved Saturn, totaled.

He had no injuries. I was now a mass of lacerations and bruises and brokenness.

The EMTs want to send me by helicopter, they are that worried over my injuries.
But the rain continues to fall. It is a cold, wintry rain.

Where am I?
What happened?

God, please don't leave me here alone to die.

I am certain I will die, and I say as much.
Please, I don't want to die.

to this point, all is unfocused and ungraspable.

Then, a face in mine, a confidence, a certainty.
Joy, look at me--are you listening? You're not going to die, okay, you're going to be alright. Just let us take care of you. Okay?

Okay.

Someone is in control.

Okay.

Don't know what happened.
Don't know what's next.

But
Someone
Is
In
Control.