They say it's best to start at the beginning...

I have tried many times over the last months to begin this sentence. Until this moment, I have failed miserably 100 percent of the time. I crave the release that comes with sharing the words in my heart, yet dread the process of restoring order in what is an unfortunate, jumbled mess.



One thought meshes with another, and I try to disentangle them. One memory competes to be first, yet I cannot say that it is the key to unlock my Muse. One story demands to be told, but from a thousand different angles, and a thousand different emotions. There is a sadness and a joy that are each speaking with increasing fervor, commanding my attention. Shall I begin with the Hope I have found again, or with the dreams laying like shards of glass at my feet, shattered in the space of a moment?



One moment. That is all that it took for so much of my life to change. The course altered, my faith tried and tested, my heart broken and my body bruised, battered, scarred. All in a single moment.



If I seem disjointed in my thoughts, I can only say: welcome to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Fluidity is not a hallmark of this troubling and frustrating state of being. Where I once was smooth and the Whisper of the Holy Spirit was a balm to my soul, I now find jagged edges screaming for help. My pains frequently drown out His Voice. My emotions continually attempt to control my thought process.



All from the events of one single moment.


And today, I write, for the first time in many months. I force the pain to submit to the Truth that is in me. I remind myself that I am a child of the Most High God, and that His Love is what gives my life purpose. If I stay in the darkness of a difficult time, if I refuse to press on, if I stop trying to touch the sky with my feet, I will choke on the sadness of being separated from His heart.

This, above all else, I cannot bear.

So...I hold on to the swing chains, settle my bottom in to the seat, take a few long strides back, breathe deeply....kick, and release.

I have work to do--there is a sky to be touched.